A few years ago, I found myself in a moment of deep uncertainty. Artie, the founder of Every Neighborhood Partnership, had been hinting at his transition out of the organization. One day, during a Zoom call during the COVID-19 pandemic, he expressed his desire for me to take over as Executive Director.
My initial reaction was anxiety and self-doubt. Was I really the right person to lead ENP forward?. The thought of stepping into Artie’s shoes was daunting, and I grappled with fears of inadequacy.
At one point, I remember thinking, ‘If Artie steps away, who else will take this on? I think it’s me. But… can I do it? Do I even want to?’ My first instinct was to convince him to stay.
What helped me navigate this season was the support of my community. A pivotal moment happened during a conversation with four close friends. They listened to my fears and, one by one, spoke courage over me. They reminded me of what they had seen in my life. They believed in me before I believed in myself.
I also entered into a discernment process with a spiritual director who introduced me to the Quaker tradition of a “clearness committee”—a circle of mentors who asked thoughtful questions and sat with me in silence. No advice. Just presence, discernment, and care.
Those moments didn’t erase the fear, but they reminded me I wasn’t in this alone.
Four years later, I still don’t have it all figured out. I still wake up at 2am thinking about funding, staff challenges, and the weight of leadership. But I’ve come to understand this: fear is part of the process, and community is part of the solution.
Sometimes we equate leadership with confidence. But what if it’s more about commitment? Not a commitment to image or perfection, but to the people we serve. Not confidence in our own ability, but faithfulness to show up even when we feel insecure or uncertain.
To the nonprofit leader who’s tired, the pastor wondering if it’s worth it, the student asking if they’re cut out for this work—you don’t need to have it all together. You just need to take one step forward. And invite others to walk with you.
Our city doesn’t need heroes. It needs humble leaders—those who listen, who try, and who are willing to risk failure for the sake of others.
And if it all fell apart tomorrow? I believe it would still be worth it. Because at the very least, my kids would see a dad who tried to make Fresno better. They would see someone who showed up. They would see someone willing to take a risk.
Leadership is taking initiative for the sake of others. And the good news? You’re not alone in it.
Walking with you in the neighborhood,
Andrew Feil
Executive Director of Every Neighborhood Partnership